HEY THERE

So it has been three (?) months since I last posted.

I vowed to never post again.

But at this very moment, fury is bubbling inside of me and I just want to let it all out.

"You gotta POP POP POP, POP your top" WEEEH:

Pardon me for the nonsense, I'm just freakin pissed at the moment.

I don't think anybody reads my blog anyway (seeing that i have abandoned it)

I'm sorry, I'm just gonna bluntly vent out my frustrations. If you think I'm talking about you, I'm not. If you don't think you know who it is, you do. And if you think I'm so mad at her and I hate her, you're wrong.

I'm just frustrated, that's all.

Wondering who?? SECREEEEEET.

Itago nalang natin sa pangalang *****. HAHA.

Let's call her z.

Z was once so dear to me
We were so close, we shared our glee.
We were there for eachother even through the troubles
We...

Okay masyado nang pinagpilitan. Ayoko na magrhyme.

IN OTHER WORDS...

Close kami. as in sobra. I used to tell her EVERYTHING.

If you know me, you'd know that you don't know me. (joogeddit??) You'd know that I'm very secretive and that I keep a lot of things to myself. I don't really tell anyone about anything except my closest friends. Z was one of the fortunate few I trusted enough. I used to tell her when I was sad. I used to find comfort in her words.

Then IT happened.

She started to become soooo self-centered. I won't really state the most annoying part of the whole thing here because you (whoever you are) wouldnt understand. She started to make me feel like anything I said didn't matter. I was supposed to attend to her every cry because she had this ginormous problem she couldn't live through when actually, we were experiencing the same thing. (she got it from me, though. you wouldn't understand? When I would tell her anything about myself she'd just switch the topic so that it will center on her again. Whenever I tried to help her, she would treat me like I was so stupid and I didn't understand anything at all. She treated me like poop, she came only when somebody else wasn't there. She wanted me to be there for her but she never was there for me.

I tolerated it for a long, long time. I'm not going to lie and say that it was so easy coming to her rescue every single time. I felt soo bad. But I'm not gonna expound on how bad I felt 'cos that would make this post overly dramatic.

Guess what, I got through it. I realized I didn't have to put up with that nonsense. When I entered 2nd year, we drifted apart. I can't tell you that I miss her now because I DON'T. I know it sounds so mean but I'm actually finding life much more pleasant. I'm still bitter but I'll get through it. I'm been fine, living my life so normally without her. It doesn't mean I don't care. I just don't expect anything from her anymore.

AND THEEN. (This does NOT have a happy ending.)

She just HAS to shove herself in my face for me to pity her. Once she called me and told (not literally told, she just made me see) me that she cuts herself (laslas) I mean, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I HAVE TO KNOW!? We've not been talking for the last months and you suddenly tell me that!? HELLO. She wants me to pity her because when I was with her, I attended to her and I valued her so much. She even told me she cried because I was "lumalayo". WHAT DOES SHE EXPECT ME TO DO!? She wants me to run back to her to show her how much I care. I DO CARE, I'M JUST FREAKING TIRED OF FEELING SO FREAKING BAD WHEN I'M WITH HER. AND HELLO. SHE'S TELLING ME THAT IT'S MY FAULT SHE'S FEELING SO BAD NOW. WHY DOESN'T SHE MAKE AN EFFORT TO GET ME BACK!? WHY DO I HAVE OT BE THE FIRST ONE TO APPROACH HER?? I'M SO TIRED OF FIGHTING FOR THIS FRIENDSHIP WHEN I KNOW THAT IT'S GOING NOWHERE. IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT FOR ANYTHING, WHY DO I HAVE TO?! SHE WANTS ME TO FEEL SORRY BECAUSE SHE'S THE MOST KAWAWA PERSON ALIVE JUST TO GET ME BACK AND USE ME AGAIN!? AND NO, THIS TIME, I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN.

DON'T YOU DARE EXPECT ME TO FIGHT FOR THIS. I'M SO TIRED OF IT. IF YOU WANT ME BACK, YOU FIGHT FOR IT.

I'M SO PISSED, I CAN'T EVEN PUT THE OTHER FEELINGS INTO WORDS.

PISSED. PISSED. PISSED.

(sorry sa grammar, can't really articulate at the moment)

closed blog?

obviously, i've desserted my blog.

sorry dears, won't be posting anymore. :)) too much drama e. :))

byebyedearblog :)

HEY!

Sometimes I think my head should be blank. I want to erase my memory bank and get rid of my brain. Thinking is always bad, remembering just triggers emotions and caring is the sure way to get hurt. I'd much rather be numb. 'Course, I can't do that.

I know that the brain is there to process information in a productive manner. Remembering isn't bad when happy memories come back and caring and loving is fun when you are loved in return. I know that when you're numb, you're life would just pass by without you even noticing. You won't get hurt, so everything would be 'okay'. Okay is not the word I would like to describe my life. Instead of being wonderful, challenging, free or any other adjective, it would only be the plain okay.

I'm talking about nonsense, forgive me. :))



I had a bad day the other day. Things were just not going as planned and the day grew darker and darker. Then suddenly, (tatararattarat!) it rained! And it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest! I felt so much better. I was watching TV then and when I turned the channel to Cinema One (JOLOG), the story was about this girl who looked for her dad in the states but when she arrived at his house, his wife told her he died a few years back. PARANG THANKS DIBA. UMOKAY NA NGA AKO, DUMATING PA YUN. THANKS KASI E.

Why is it that when things start to look up, another event comes along to make things wrong again. It's like flying debris are always scheduled to arrive especially when smiles are peeking through stormy clouds. It's like destiny is up against you. Wanting to throw you down every time it gets the opportunity too. It's frustrating.



SEP HAS BEEN FUN. I've been enjoying ALGEBRA (WEH WEH WEH) and I'm sad to see it end. There are 3 days left but we'll be absent 1 day because of trumpets. AYOKO MAGTRUMPETS. SEP NALANG. A BASTA, NO MORE TRUMPETS NEXT YEAR. SEP NA!! :))



Couple of weeks till start of schoolyear.
I want to expound on this pero One Tree Hill na ata.

Moment of Happiness

I know I owe you a post about the whole Palawan experience with Mara but heck, my mind isn't in the mood to write about that yet.


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Yesterday was our first day in SEP! I was pretty nervous at first but it was not as bad as I expected. Thank God :P

Earlier, we took our diagnostic test and it was haaaaaaard. I've forgotton the rules on exponents already because we studied it in the first few quarters. Oh no. :S


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AY! I'm gonna share something.

This happened in Palawan with Mara during the 3rd day of our stay. We went to this island called "Snake Island" and snorkled to see the almost nonexistent coral reef. I'm gonna describe what I felt during that moment :))

Italic tayo! :)


"I was there, floating in the open sea, exhausted from negotiating through the current. I was in my life vest, floating, not knowing where to go. At that moment, I was lost. I searched for company, something to hold on to, someone who's there for me.

Then I felt it.

I slid my hands into hers and right then and there, I was contented. I was no longer lost, no longer looking for anything else. She was pulling me to the direction I was supposed to be facing, leading me there.

At that moment, I was happy.

No worries or anxieties were in my mind. All I felt was sheer contentment.

I closed my eyes, surrendering, reassured that I was safe. I was going the right way. I belonged.

I was loved by the one who took the trouble to hold my hand.

That was enough."

AND THEN THE MOMENT PASSED AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD FEEL THAT HAPPY AGAIN.

That hand, was Mara's but I could've been anybody. Obviously, that was figurative. :))

I've been itching to feel that kind of contentment again. harhar.


-------

I'm done and itching to get out of this chair to go to the bathroom. :)) Too much info? :))

SUMMER

Finally the internet's working again. HORAAAY!

Obviously, nothing's written about my summer yet. Everytime something funny or remarkable happened, I immediately thought about writing them all down in this blog. I even imagined how I would say certain stuff and the pictures I'll include.

Now that the net's ready, I forgot what I was planning to write. tssk. sayang

My summer has been BUSY. The only boring time was during the Holy Week when everything was close and I was stuck at home watching T.V.

During the first week of vacation, our school, ingenium, still had classes. During this time, I woke up VERY early to go to the school. I joined the prep class and I had so much fuuun! I didn't imagine that kids could be that lovable. Wala pang 2 weeks ko silang araw-araw nakikita, tuwang-tuwa na ako sa kanila!

soo, I want you to meet some of them! :))

First up is ELI. Eli is the 'valedictorian' of the batch. Sobra yung card ng batang yan! PURO O! itlooog! Pero would you imagine that that kid nearly missed death the night before? It was in Luis' swimming party. Eli was pushed into the deep side of the pool by an unknown kid while his parents got something to drink. When they returned, Eli was drowning and had to be pulled out of the pool. Thank God he survived. Sabi nya pa daw sa mom nya, "alam mo, feeling ko noon, mamamatay na ako." During their graduation, he delivered a speech that was so heartwarming. Galing na bata! :) buti nalang his father said he'll stay in Ingenium 'till college. HAHA. hanggang grade 4 palang ang Ingenium e! :)
Fort has a sister, Nicole who studies in Assumption. Si Fort sobrang masayahing bata! He loves to have fun and is very intelligent. We're going to Palawan tomorrow! Magiging Atenean na yang batang yan. Mamimiss ko syaa. :(
Gaby made me cry during their graduation. Kasi after the thing, the teachers were all crying while saying goodbye to each kid. Obviously, they were still crying when they hugged Gaby. And guess what, Gaby cried too! She's going to MC kasi. pffft. naiyak naman ako dun!
ISAIAH LUIS O. MACAPAGAL. Wooow, crush ko yang batang yan! :)) ANG GWAPOO NYAAAA!!! He has such a bubbly personality and whenever you see him, you can't help but smile because of his cute antics! He goofs around but is never irritating. Imaginin nyo nalang itsura nya pagdating nya sa Highschool? Magaateneo pa naman 'tong batang 'to. Crush ng Bayan to, most definately!

Moira came up to me dring the last day of class. I was seated near the side of the room when she suddenly sat on my lap with a big frown on her face. She told me this. "Si Christine (classmate) dati friend ko. Tas ngayon, biglang ayaw niya na sakin (frowning even more) Tapos si Sean (classmate din na kasama noon ni Christine) dati kinakausap din ako lagi. Pero ngayon biglang ayaw na akong kausapin." I looked into her eyes after she said that and immediately I saw how sincerely sad she was. One way or another, I felt for her. In her six-year-old mind, she experience a sad feeling. She felt left out and thought it was the end of the worl (atleast until Zoe, her classmate approached to ask a question). Moira is an actress. She landed the lead role during Ingenium's Christmas Play and she did well. In real life, she can be controlling and she readily shows her classmates how to do things much to their dismay. Maybe this is why she felt Christine and Sandy didn't like her anymore. Moira is very intelligent but her mouth gets in the way of her listening so her grades are average. She's transferring to St. Paul Pasig.

..in some ways, I see myself in her. When I imagine the six-year-old me, Moira pops into my virus-infected mind.
I once teased Luis (yes, the gwapo guy) that he had a crush on Sandy! Pero he doesn't daw. sayang, ganda pa naman ni sandy. Sandy's going to be an Assumptionista next year. Pano kaya pagdating nilang highschool. Surely, Sandy and Luis will meet again. :))

Do I smell happy ever after?
Matchmaker!

During the Graduation of these beautiful children, their parents started to cry. It was so sweeeet! Since then, I've been asking my mom why SHE didn't cry during MY graduation.! Well,, she was disappointed because I didn't receive a medal. pfft.

I'm going to put pictures of kids in my multiply again. I know it won't interest you in any way. Pero heck. I loooove them ;)

Oh! Oh! I went out with the sixth-graders nga pala the friday after the last day of class. (in other words, March23) AS EXPECTED, I HAD SO MUCH FUN!

Class Party was okay, though I was pretty disappointed at one point. ohwell, am missing I-3! :)

Trumpets time again! Remember last year when I was soo ashamed to tell you all that I joined trumpets? Well, I'm not that shy anymore! haha, I'm just having fun dancing though I don't know how too! Aaaaand, new classmates=new friends! loving it! :)

I've enrolled in SEP in Ateneo! I think I'm gonna enjoy that too. Let's just hope Camla, Alyanna, Alexa and I are classmates!

For the past *insert number here months*, people have been ranting about One Tree Hill and I've never understood them. I didn't even WANT to watch it and I didn't care at all! Then suddenly, I caught one episode in ETC then I borrowed Iya's DVD of season 1. I got it last tuesday but I was too lazy to watch right away. I started watching it the day after and got so hooked I spent 10 hours watching it.! I didn't know I missed THAT MUCH! It was amaziiiing!! By thursday, I finished the WHOLE SEASON! Addict me! sorry! :)) Now I'm excited to get the Season 2 DVD from Clara! :)) wooooow! FUN!!

After the countless number of eventful days I was disconnected from the net, I've presumably forgotten all of the things that have popped into my mind. Oh well, at the moment, this is all I've got. I'm going to be posting more often! Promise? no. haha. :)

I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOUR SUMMER AND I MISS YOU!!

P.S. We're going to Palawan on Sunday! IM EXCITED! I'm going to be with mara kasiii! Gonna have FUN! text text tayo! :)

friends forever no matter what happens friendship never ends

Imagine us, 6 second graders, running down the 'hill' beside the upper kiosk singing "friends forever, no matter what happens, friendship never ends." Back in second grade we were a barkada, with our own secret handshake. We were so young, believing every promise will not be broken and every dream will come true. We promised eachother we'd be friends forever. And guess what? After 6 long years, here we are, still friends.

The line "no matter what happens" was just so superficial back in second grade. It was the tampuhan when we didn't accompany one to drink from her jug. (maeca? mara? remember?) "What happens" was limited to when one was pushed down and had a scratch on the knee. (Julia, ikaw may pakana nyan. :D) We faced gradeschool together overcoming obstacles (maecaa, wag kang mamamataay. HAHA. mara? remember the fight because of the violin? HAHA) learning so much from eachother along the way. (maeca, ako nagpapasaway sayo. :P)

It is only now that I realize that "no matter what happens" is just more than the line who sort of rhymes with "friendship never ends". I remember sixth grade, when all of us were classmates and as close as ever. I remember how happy we were then, how often we spent time on the telephone talking about gossip gossip and more gossip. (carabao? train? syrup? ay duling? duraflex?) I remember clearly how my greatest downfall happened, how low I felt back then. I remember crying everyday, feeling so rejected. (Angge naaalala mo ba yung language seatwork na by pairs. nagtulungan lang tayo nung dumaan si ms. joy). I remember missing you guys so much and I was willing to give up everything to have you back.

Now I know that miracles do happen. Despite the horrible circumstances in sixth grade and 3 people transferring schools, here we are planning to reunite on friday, equipped with our big mouths ready to tell many stories. I'm so thankful that even though horrible stuff happened, we're still friends, just like our promises to each other in second grade :)

I LOVE MIA MARA ANGGE RICA JULIA RICA AND MAECA!!
couldn't imagine gradeschool without you guys :)

can't wait for friday! waaah! excite ako :)

bounce bounce

I've just finished reading Lemony Snicket's The Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Tenth: Slippery Slope.

THEN SUDDENLY. tatarattattattat!!!

bounce.

I feel like a feline (feel feline? whateverme) who's head is bobbing up and down, following the movements of a bouncing ball, facinated at its continuous movement. up and down, up and down.

adik, pusa na pala ako e. ;P

I'm amaaazed.

The law of gravity cleary states that what comes up must come down again. What's so amusing with bouncing is that what comes down will shoot up again. My complicated mind's gears are working overtime again. harhar, fun.

Maybe we're the balls, bouncing through life. We have our high moments and our low ones. Thankfully, we do go up again.

When a ball hits a hard surface with alot of force, it shoots up even higher. The harder the difficulties we encounter, the higher we will soar.

A ball looses it's momentum and stops moving. That is us giving up.


WHATEVER ME. My mind's flying but I'm too lazy to write my thoughts down properly. SORRY AH! haha, freak.

I've got to write down my english speech. Kukulitin nanaman ako ni Ms. MArah nyan. tsssk. eee, tinatamad akooo. but I have to. I HAVE TO! WHY OH WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN? WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HAVE THE COMMAND TO BOSS ME AROUND TO DO STUFF? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE SERVANT GIRL, THE ALIPIN? WHYY?

that's me loosing my sanity. HAHAHAAHA. I don't mean it, ofcourse. nababangag lang talaga ako ngayon. SHUT UP ME

SHAAAAAAAAAAATTAAAAAAAAP!













*silence*














uy tumahimik? yeees! pinakikinggan pala ako. shumashatup pag sinasabi kong magshut up.




FREAK KA LIANG FREEEAK. frikkafrikkafrik. HAHAHA whatever.



tigil na nga ako. kung anu-anong nasusulat e.

I'll write my speech here nalang. para mas madali. laboo.



LOSER.

Apartheid was once very common and widespread in the United States. There was discrimination and inequality in the treatment of the whites and the blacks. What we don't know is that discrimination is happening in our own communities too. Some people are called losers while some are winners.

Loser is a word so commonly uttered that no one really thinks about it. It is so loosely used while we tease each other and laugh at one another's mistakes. Most of us here have said this word against other people and have been called a loser. The other day, this word popped into my mind and since then, it has been trapped and looking for a way out.

Who are the losers? According to my understanding, two things make one a loser. First, people have characteristics that are inept to society's standards making them weird or even obnoxious to others. These traits make a person unique and stand out like a sore thumb among the crowd. So let me get this straight, do people lose because they're them?

Some are also called losers when they commit mistakes. When someone pronounces a word erroneously and the spelling to the simplest word is wrong, is that losing? Are you a loser when you commit a mistake?

According to one dictionary, a loser is one who fails to win. In my quest to understand who the losers are, another question popped into my mind. Who are the winners? Do you win when you've got the highest grade? Does money power and popularity equate to power? Are you a winner when the world bows down to you because you never misspell a word? Are you a winner if you're perfect?

No one in this room can raise her hand and say that she is perfect. This just proves that we are winners and losers in our own way. We all have imperfections and mistakes. We do not excel in everything. We have moments of success and failure. We are all equal. Each one has equal opportunities whether she is called a winner or a loser. Each one has the chance to show the world the beauty she possesses and is entitled to a second chance whenever she commits a mistake. Each one here has to power to make a difference, to be of service and to live her life in the best way possible. Each one can be real to herself, showing of the characteristics that make her unique even though some may not accept who she really is. Each one has a purpose. Everyone is alive for equal reasons. And everyone, loser or winner can live their life seeing the beauty in themselves and each other going through each day devoting all their actions for the greater glory of God.


That's not the exact thing I said in front of the class last wednesday. Pero ayan na yun. YEEEY tapos na akoo. nagawa ko na inuutos ni Ms. Marah! okay, whatever me.








i'm tired.

di ko pa napopost swimming pics ng i3 :))

bounce bounce

I've just finished reading Lemony Snicket's The Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Tenth: Slippery Slope.

THEN SUDDENLY. tatarattattattat!!!

bounce.

I feel like a feline (feel feline? whateverme) who's head is bobbing up and down, following the movements of a bouncing ball, facinated at its continuous movement. up and down, up and down.

adik, pusa na pala ako e. ;P

I'm amaaazed.

The law of gravity cleary states that what comes up must come down again. What's so amusing with bouncing is that what comes down will shoot up again. My complicated mind's gears are working overtime again. harhar, fun.

Maybe we're the balls, bouncing through life. We have our high moments and our low ones. Thankfully, we do go up again.

When a ball hits a hard surface with alot of force, it shoots up even higher. The harder the difficulties we encounter, the higher we will soar.

A ball looses it's momentum and stops moving. That is us giving up.


WHATEVER ME. My mind's flying but I'm too lazy to write my thoughts down properly. SORRY AH! haha, freak.

I've got to write down my english speech. Kukulitin nanaman ako ni Ms. MArah nyan. tsssk. eee, tinatamad akooo. but I have to. I HAVE TO! WHY OH WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN? WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HAVE THE COMMAND TO BOSS ME AROUND TO DO STUFF? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE SERVANT GIRL, THE ALIPIN? WHYY?

that's me loosing my sanity. HAHAHAAHA. I don't mean it, ofcourse. nababangag lang talaga ako ngayon. SHUT UP ME

SHAAAAAAAAAAATTAAAAAAAAP!













*silence*














uy tumahimik? yeees! pinakikinggan pala ako. shumashatup pag sinasabi kong magshut up.




FREAK KA LIANG FREEEAK. frikkafrikkafrik. HAHAHA whatever.



tigil na nga ako. kung anu-anong nasusulat e.

I'll write my speech here nalang. para mas madali. laboo.



LOSER.

Apartheid was once very common and widespread in the United States. There was discrimination and inequality in the treatment of the whites and the blacks. What we don't know is that discrimination is happening in our own communities too. Some people are called losers while some are winners.

Loser is a word so commonly uttered that no one really thinks about it. It is so loosely used while we tease each other and laugh at one another's mistakes. Most of us here have said this word against other people and have been called a loser. The other day, this word popped into my mind and since then, it has been trapped and looking for a way out.

Who are the losers? According to my understanding, two things make one a loser. First, people have characteristics that are inept to society's standards making them weird or even obnoxious to others. These traits make a person unique and stand out like a sore thumb among the crowd. So let me get this straight, do people lose because they're them?

Some are also called losers when they commit mistakes. When someone pronounces a word erroneously and the spelling to the simplest word is wrong, is that losing? Are you a loser when you commit a mistake?

According to one dictionary, a loser is one who fails to win. In my quest to understand who the losers are, another question popped into my mind. Who are the winners? Do you win when you've got the highest grade? Does money power and popularity equate to power? Are you a winner when the world bows down to you because you never misspell a word? Are you a winner if you're perfect?

No one in this room can raise her hand and say that she is perfect. This just proves that we are winners and losers in our own way. We all have imperfections and mistakes. We do not excel in everything. We have moments of success and failure. We are all equal. Each one has equal opportunities whether she is called a winner or a loser. Each one has the chance to show the world the beauty she possesses and is entitled to a second chance whenever she commits a mistake. Each one here has to power to make a difference, to be of service and to live her life in the best way possible. Each one can be real to herself, showing of the characteristics that make her unique even though some may not accept who she really is. Each one has a purpose. Everyone is alive for equal reasons. And everyone, loser or winner can live their life seeing the beauty in themselves and each other going through each day devoting all their actions for the greater glory of God.


That's not the exact thing I said in front of the class last wednesday. Pero ayan na yun. YEEEY tapos na akoo. nagawa ko na inuutos ni Ms. Marah! okay, whatever me.








i'm tired.

di ko pa napopost swimming pics ng i3 :))